How I Picked Out My First Male Sex Toy

It was 2003 and I was just starting college. Having been in a relationship for several years, my knowledge about male sex toys was extremely limited. In fact, my understanding of sexuality in general was incomplete, and thus started my journey to who I am today.

As an avid sex toy user nowadays, I’m always the one boasting about my latest orgasmic success. I’m the guy you come to when you’re not sure which device to buy. My friends and family have accepted by openly perverted lifestyle, and now I’m the family guru on all things sex toy related. It’s certainly not how I imagined spending my adult years, but it seems to be working out.

Self Proclaimed Sex Toy Guru

Long before I was a sex toy guru, though, I was dazed and confused just like you are. I had no idea what to look for, no clue what was out there, and no resources to find any of that out. It may be the “Age of Information” right now, but back then, information wasn’t quite so easy to find. So, this is the story of how I picked out my very first male sex toy, and I’d like to apologize to my mother ahead of time.

Making Decisions Based on Marketing Dollars

Ever since sex toys became mainstream in our society, people have been falling victim to clever marketing campaigns. I would know. I was one of them. Marketing dollars have always been poured out like water on the unsuspecting consumer, and unfortunately, neither you nor I are going to be the exception no matter how bad we want it.

I purchased my very first male sex toy at the tender age of 19 based on what some money-hungry manufacturer’s advertising team told me. Having zero experience with this stuff, I naively trusted those bastards with my love life, my health and my cash. What transpired because of my lack of due diligence is something that I’m still in therapy for today.

Getting a Formal Education

Fast-forward a few years and I graduated from college with a degree in Political Science, polyamory, beer pong and cunnilingus. I also happened to pick up a few certifications in male sex toys along the way, which set off a chain of events that I can only describe as “life changing.” Having finally figured out who I was, what I wanted in a partner and what I liked in the bedroom, it was suddenly much easier for me to ignore those clever advertisements in lieu of the truly good stuff that actually worked for me.

And what was that “good stuff” that I now speak so highly about? Well, according to my research, the good stuff consists of the following top 10 products which happen to be the most popular male sex toys on the planet:

  • Male Masturbators

Male masturbators are basically handheld penis stimulators that have a wide variety of features and come in various shapes, sizes and colors. Most male masturbation devices require manual power, but many of today’s top manufacturers have started making automatic models that feel almost exactly like the real thing.

  • Butt Plugs and Anal Beads

Anal playthings are popular among men, especially those who enjoy prostate and/or perineum stimulation. Butt plugs and anal beads are both inserted into the anus, but their unique properties provide different sensations depending on how you use them. On average, men who use these kinds of products enjoy longer and stronger orgasms than the men who don’t. However, mainstream society still views anal play as a fundamentally homosexual activity which couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, modern science has actually encouraged p-spot orgasms for the purposes of reducing a man’s chances of developing prostate cancer.

  • Prostate Massagers

Speaking prostates, a p-spot massager is a male (or female) sex toy that vibrates the prostate gland until it becomes what the industry calls “milked.” The milking of your prostate not only improves your health and enhances your orgasms but it also relieves tension and reduces stress. I own three different p-spot massagers right now, but my collection used to be so much larger. The reason for my streamlining: Today’s best prostate massagers are all-inclusive devices that had the power to replace most of the anal sex toys in my collection. Now that’s impressive.

  • Cock Rings

Cock rings are one of the most popular male sex toys in the industry, with the ability to improve the quality of your orgasm in a safe, natural and non-invasive way that doesn’t involve pills, potions or pumps. Good cock rings trap blood in the penile shaft, thereby encouraging your penis to grow thicker and harder with every heartbeat. I find well-made cock rings all over the place too, probably because they’re the most user-friendly male sex toy on the planet. Simple and effective, some of the higher-end models even feature vibration functions to an extra boost of pleasure. Those are my favorites without a doubt.

  • Chastity Devices

Although it took me quite a while to break into the BDSM community, I quickly found out about chastity devices like cock cages and ball clamps when I started dating a chick from my local church (go figure). Her ability to keep me in submission was surprising to everyone, but they didn’t know that she’d placed a chastity device on my dick to keep me from achieving an erection while she was away. Her pussy power was incredible, so much so that I now use chastity devices regularly because I enjoy the sexy flashbacks. What can I say? I’m a natural born thriller.

Passing the Buck

I hate seeing a man who reminds me of my previously uneducated self. It’s sad that so many guys go without the kinds of orgasms they need simply because they’re male sex toy beginners. The market isn’t going to slow production because some of us are confused though. The only way to fight back against a battle we started ourselves is to begin shopping like we have some sense.

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